Reconstruction? Now? Later? Ever?

This morning, I had barely opened my eyes, yet my mind began zipping through a multitude of thoughts, questions, and scenarios. This was not a good sign. I am not a morning person. I try to avoid thinking, communication or any other life-form until around 10:00 a.m. or so. This morning it didn’t seem to matter.

Today was the appointment with my plastic surgeon. I wanted to make right decisions based on logic and reliable information. Darn it, that emotional thread kept slipping in. Couldn’t help it. Gonna lose a boob. Funny how, in the midst of knowing I have cancer and knowing I can lose my life, here I was thinking about losing a boob. Logically that was just down right ridiculous. Oh, good, at least I shifted back to logical.

The doctor listened to my concerns, the items I brought forth from the research I have done and my questions. A big concern to me, invasive lobular carcinoma has a tendency to spread to the other breast. Sometimes it will be a while, but it often gets there. What if I have the first breast removed, an implant put in and then I have to have the other breast removed. Kind of stuck then. Either have to have the first implant removed and be left with sagging skin on that side and a tight scare on the other or have a another implant put in on the other side. Then it does become ridiculous. I really feel I would be better off having two breasts removed and no implants. I really don’t want to deal with any of the different flap reconstructions. I want to get on with the chemo and other treatments needed to rid my body of the cancer. I don’t want to take extra time in here for healing from reconstruction.

So…..my decision…..I am going to be lopsided for a while. I have decided against reconstruction of any type at this time. Maybe down the road I will decide I just can not deal with only having one “bump” on my chest. I have the rest of my life to do reconstruction of one type or another and that is just fine with me. Plus, there are breast forms on the market made for women that have had mastectomies that I can check out. Course that means I would most likely need to start wearing a bra. Good grief this is all getting so complicated. I haven’t worn a bra in about twenty years!