Yes, I am still here!

Yes, everyone, I am still here, walking, talking, breathing. I know it has been a very long time since my last entry. All things "cancer" are things that I want to get beyond. I want a normal life. I have finally come to the conclusion I will never have a "normal" life again. (And to be perfectly honest, I am not sure I have EVER had a "normal" life!) But because of my seeking "normal" I have failed to bring forth any more blog writings on this blog.

Each week, I get a notice regarding how many have visited my blog over the previous week. I am completely amazed at the numbers. I know that for the most part, those that are reading it now are those that have just been diagnosed or have a loved one that has been. I hope for those, that my blog will provide the information they are seeking. I worry. For them. Cancer is a horrible alteration to a person's life. I now know some will get through it, some will not.

I cry way too easily. I am very touched by those that are affected. I know too much first hand. So does my family. For those of you just entering the world of cancer, my heart goes out to you.

It is again October, the month officially designated "Breast Cancer Awareness Month". In view of this, I am about to bring forth a posting I did last year at this time. I still feel very strongly about my views and therefore, for those that may not have read this posting before, I hereby present it again:

October brings us Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Over the years, I have been aware of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, but only on a very light scale. Through the Breast Cancer Awareness program though, I did learn some time ago how to correctly do a self breast exam at home. Without that resource and knowledge, there is a good chance I would never have found the first lump of three in my left breast. The other two lumps were not even seen on the mammogram that followed after I found the first lump, but they where there, the second one was found when the lumpendectomy was done and the third was found against my breast wall when the mastectomy was done. If I had not found that first lump myself, in the relatively timely fashion that I did, I can only speculate what the outcome would have been. I have also been informed by two of my doctors that more women find their own lumps by doing the self exam than any other method of testing that is done. So it is obvious the education put forth by Breast Cancer Awareness month has been successful.

In the process of learning about breast cancer, I have also been learning about other cancers and paying closer attention to them. In doing so, I have found some issues that I feel need to be addressed. There are over 200 different types of cancers, yet there are only a few that you hear about in the media with publicity to increase awareness, early detection, donations and funding. Breast Cancer seems to be the leader and Prostate Cancer is starting to pick up speed. There is a smattering of awareness programs for Ovarian Cancer, Colon Cancer and Leukemia, but from there it seems to drop off, with others only being mentioned on occasion. For many types of cancers, the only time you will hear about them or they take front stage for a time, is when a celebrity announces they have a cancer of one type or another. And then often, even that fades into the background.

To give you an idea of the different types of cancers, I have provided a list of some of them. This is not a complete list, but it is does start to give you an idea of how many types there are and their names. If you are like most people, I am sure there are names on here that you have never heard of. Further information on many of these cancers can be found at Oncolink

Adrenal Cancer
AIDS-related Lymphoma
Anal Cancer
Ataxia-Telangiectasia
Bladder Cancer
Brain Tumors
Brain Tumors (Childhood)
Brain Metastases
Breast Cancer
Carcinoma of Unknown Primary
Cervical Cancer
Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia (CLL)
Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia (CML)
Colon Cancer Ovarian Cancer
Craniopharyngioma
Cutaneous T-Cell Lymphoma/Mycosis Fungoides
Endometrial and Uterine Cancer
Esophageal Cancer
Ewing's Sarcoma
Fallopian Tube Cancer
Gallbladder Cancer
Gastric Cancer
Gestational Trophoblastic Disease and Choriocarcinoma
Hairy Cell Leukemia
Head and Neck Cancer
Hodgkin's Disease
Kaposi's Sarcoma
Kidney Cancer
Laryngeal Cancer
Leukemia-- Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia (ALL)
Leukemia-- Acute Myelogenous Leukemia (AML)
Li-Fraumeni Syndrome
Liver Cancer (Childhood)
Liver Cancer (Hepatoma)
Lung Cancer
Lymphomas: Hodgkin's Lymphoma (Childhood)
Lymphomas: Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma (Childhood)
Medulloblastoma
Melanoma
Mesothelioma
Metastases
Myelomas
Myeloproliferative Disorders
Neuroblastoma
Non-Hodgkin's Disease
Non-Small Cell Lung Cancer
Oropharyngeal Cancers
Osteosarcoma
Pancreatic Cancer
Parathyroid Cancer
Penile Cancer
Pituitary Cancer
Prostate Cancer
Rectal Cancer
Retinoblastoma
Rhabdomyosarcoma and Other Soft-Tissue Sarcomas
Sarcomas: Osteosarcoma
Sarcomas: Rhabdomyosarcoma
Small Intestine Cancers
Small-Cell Lung Cancer
Testicular Cancer
Thymoma
Thyroid Cancer
Urethral Cancer
Vaginal Cancer
Vulvar Cancer
Wilms' Tumor

Each type of cancer has its own set of symptoms. How many can you name along with their symptoms? Symptoms for some of these cancers are as follows. The following information was obtained from: The Cancer Cure Foundation - Symptoms
Bladder cancer: Blood in the urine, pain or burning upon urination; frequent urination; or cloudy urine

Bone cancer: Pain in the bone or swelling around the affected site; fractures in bones; weakness, fatigue; weight loss; repeated infections; nausea, vomiting, constipation, problems with urination; weakness or numbness in the legs; bumps and bruises that persist

Brain cancer: Dizziness; drowsiness; abnormal eye movements or changes in vision; weakness, loss of feeling in arms or legs or difficulties in walking; fits or convulsions; changes in personality, memory or speech; headaches that tend to be worse in the morning and ease during the day, that may be accompanied by nausea or vomiting

Breast cancer: A lump or thickening of the breast; discharge from the nipple; change in the skin of the breast; a feeling of heat; or enlarged lymph nodes under the arm

Colon/Colorectal cancer: Rectal bleeding (red blood in stools or black stools); abdominal cramps; constipation alternating with diarrhea; weight loss; loss of appetite; weakness; pallid complexion

Kidney cancer: Blood in urine; dull ache or pain in the back or side; lump in kidney area, sometimes accompanied by high blood pressure or abnormality in red blood cell count

Leukemia: Weakness, paleness; fever and flu-like symptoms; bruising and prolonged bleeding; enlarged lymph nodes, spleen, liver; pain in bones and joints; frequent infections; weight loss; night sweats

Lung cancer: Wheezing, persistent cough for months; blood-streaked sputum; persistent ache in chest; congestion in lungs; enlarged lymph nodes in the neck

Melanoma: Change in mole or other bump on the skin, including bleeding or change in size, shape, color, or texture

Non-Hodgkin's lymphoma: Painless swelling in the lymph nodes in the neck, underarm, or groin; persistent fever; feeling of fatigue; unexplained weight loss; itchy skin and rashes; small lumps in skin; bone pain; swelling in the abdomen; liver or spleen enlargement

Oral cancer: A lump in the mouth, ulceration of the lip, tongue or inside of the mouth that does not heal within a couple of weeks; dentures that no longer fit well; oral pain, bleeding, foul breath, loose teeth, and changes in speech

Ovarian cancer: Abdominal swelling; in rare cases, abnormal vaginal bleeding; digestive discomfort

Pancreatic cancer: Upper abdominal pain and unexplained weight loss; pain near the center of the back; intolerance of fatty foods; yellowing of the skin; abdominal masses; enlargement of liver and spleen

Prostate cancer: Urination difficulties due to blockage of the urethra; bladder retains urine, creating frequent feelings of urgency to urinate, especially at night; bladder not emptying completely; burning or painful urination; bloody urine; tenderness over the bladder; and dull ache in the pelvis or back

Stomach cancer: Indigestion or heartburn; discomfort or pain in the abdomen; nausea and vomiting; diarrhea or constipation; bloating after meals; loss of appetite; weakness and fatigue; bleeding - vomiting blood or blood in the stool

Uterine cancer: Abnormal vaginal bleeding, a watery bloody discharge in postmenopausal women; a painful urination; pain during intercourse; pain in pelvic area

There are many advanced tests available for early detection. Please check the out the following website for information on tests as well.
The Cancer Cure Foundation

I recently came across a blog of a woman who goes by Elnser.
She has Ovarian Cancer. Her post, titled “I Think I Got the Wrong Cancer (a vent/opinion)” has further insight into how it feels to have a type of cancer that doesn’t get the fan-fair that another cancer does. I agree with her thoughts. It is a very isolating feeling to have a cancer that doesn’t seem to be as important to the world as another type of cancer.

In as much as I am very grateful that Breast Cancer is being addressed so heavily at a time when I have it, I feel it is important for equal attention to be given to all cancers. Yes, of course, I feel my life and my becoming a survivor is important, but the saving of my life should not take precedence over also saving the life of someone with Ovarian Cancer or Brain Cancer or any Cancer for that matter. Cancer is cancer. Awareness, early detection information, equal funding for research and cures of all cancers needs to be made and put in the public eye for all to become informed.

So here is my tribute and promotion to Breast Cancer Awareness Month. But let us consider a new agenda. An agenda for an overall ongoing Cancer Awareness program that brings forth information, early detection knowledge, funding, donations, and fund raising events for ALL cancers on a regular basis. Every one, no matter what type of cancer, what their age, or their status in life, rich or poor, well known or not, should be entitled to have the same chance to live and become survivors of this horrid disease called Cancer.

Singing Tip for Today

hmmm..... Tried singing along with a song on the car radio today. Didn't think anything of it until the first sounds rang out from my mouth! What a messed up sound! And then I also realized just how it must look...singing and toothless. I started laughing so hard I almost had to pull over. So today's tip is: Singing where one can be heard or seen is not advised when you don't have any upper teeth! It is hard enough to enunciate words in regular speaking when you don't have any upper teeth. Trying to put those words into a tune, not a chance!

(But I can hardly wait to share my new singing talent for my daughter sometime around the house. Her comments should be quite comical!)



While this is not a cancer related topic, and for the most part, I have tried to keep this blog within the realm of cancer, I wanted to share it somewhere ..... This was the only place it "almost" fits.

A long time coming ......

It has been a long time since I visited all of you via my blog. I apologize for my lack of updating after the last chemo, but I reached a point where I just couldn’t and didn’t want to talk about cancer or chemo or all that goes with it anymore. Not then anyway.

I did reply to those of you who emailed me and ask how things were going, so some of you already have bits and pieces of how things went. But for the rest of you, here is a summary of the events from my last chemo on.

November 21, 2005. My last chemo. It didn’t go very well. Something happened and it literally scrambled my brain. My daughter went with me that day and it is a very good thing she did as I would not have been capable of driving home. In fact, I wasn’t even capable of showing her the way out of Madison that day. We became lost and ended up taking a much different route home. The last chemo affected my memory, my ability to function mentally, my speech, and my vision. To this day, we do not know why or what happened. The affects did go away, but it was strange there for a while!

The nurses helped me celebrate my last chemo and even gave me a “certificate of achievement” for completing my chemo and having such a good outlook and attitude as I went through it. Being given that certificate was more meaningful than any other award I have ever been given in my life. Strange how a person’s outlook on life and priorities change when one is defeating the cancer beast.

November 24, 2005. Thanksgiving. Even though I was not able to enjoy the food as I would have liked, I was very thankful for being alive and for all the good things in my life. I still am. We did the family thing (two families actually….mine and hubbies) and it felt GREAT to be doing it! Chemo fatigue finally got the better of me but it was well worth the fatigue that day!

The following weeks were the typical bone pain, fatigue etc. Food started to improve in taste slowly and as it did I made sure to enjoy every morsel.

I developed an attitude. Ya, I know, hard to believe (as you are all saying “NOT”!) The attitude? I was going to get better NOW! I was going to get my life back NOW! Well I am happy to report I think I have been doing a pretty good job of both. Yes, there have been obstacles to overcome and ignore, like the bone pain and then the onset of severe arthritis, and the memory problems, but everyday I have just pushed myself a little more to get back to where I was pre-cancer and pre-chemo. I still have the numbness in my fingers and the bottom of my feet and my toes. I am starting to wonder if I will ever regain the feeling in those areas. It isn’t something that will stop me from doing various activities, it is just an irritant sometimes.

Lymphedema became a part of my life on December 3. My left hand became so swollen it looked like a blown up rubber glove. My wrist and lower arm didn’t look much better. The pain stayed mostly in my wrist area and there were lumps there for several weeks, even after the swelling went down. What brought it on? The simple act of doing dishes. And I was wearing gloves, as a precaution, as I never wanted to get Lymphedema. Oh well. Life continues here as well. I just have to wear a sleeve and glove when I am doing things that might bring it on and hope for the best. I refuse to let it take over my life. Hubby has been really good about doing dishes, so that is certainly a blessing.

December 19, I had my first follow up appointment with my oncologist. She informed me she was going back to her home state to practice and I would be seeing a new oncologist for future appointments. I will miss her. She was very good and I trusted her. Other than that, my appointment was non-eventful. Because no marker blood tests were done by the first (horrible) place where I began my cancer treatments, we can’t do marker tests now to see how well I have progressed. The best we can hope for…..that I don’t have any more cancer cells lurking within. Time will be my only measure of this. I will have my first appointment with the new oncologist January 27.

Christmas. Had a very nice Christmas. Again, like Thanksgiving spent it with family. My son did not have to work this year and was able to come down, so that made it even better. My sense of taste was doing well and I enjoyed all kinds of stuff!

New Years Eve….stayed home and enjoyed the quiet.

New Years Day and more importantly…..My hubby’s and my first Anniversary! What a year! One thing for sure, we won’t ever forget the year! He and I went out for a while and had a very nice time. It felt great to get out and about for a few hours and just relax.

January 6, 2006. Finally was able to address the teeth problem. All of my upper teeth were extracted. The extractions and the aftermath went very smoothly. Thanks to great pain pills and an excellent oral surgeon, I have had zero problems and minimum discomfort. Now, I am toothless for the uppers, but still have my bottom teeth. I won’t be able to get a denture for the upper for six months (can not afford an immediate), so eating has once again become a challenge. Rather ironic that the foods I said I would not want to eat again because they reminded me of what I could eat during chemo, have become the foods I can eat toothless! It isn’t sitting well with me at all! I feel like I am hungry all the time and soft foods are becoming very boring already. The restoration work on my bottom teeth will begin in February. After finding out what it is like to be toothless on the top, there is no way I am going to let anyone take out my bottom teeth. I also know that when I get my denture, I will be a very happy camper and will make it work great no matter what. I am looking forward to eating a steak again someday. Not to mention looking forward to smiling openly again and feeling comfortable going out in public!

When ever possible, since a few weeks after my last chemo, I have been doing massive cleaning and re-arranging and getting things around here back in order. Cleaning of the walls, the drapes….everything! Re-arranging because I want a fresh view. When I feel the need to rest, I do, but I am finding doing these things is great mind therapy as well as physical therapy to get back into the swing of things again.

I have even begun to repair computers again. I had my first one in here this week and that too felt great to be doing after such a long hiatus.

My hair is growing, but slowly. My eyebrows and eyelashes are growing back in fairly well. The wild hairs on my chin…..of course, they came back with a vengeance (and have been plucked out just as quickly with the same vengeance.) The hot flashes are running wild, too. I still do not have to wear deodorant….but I can’t say I miss it. I started on my hormone therapy in late December. Arimidex, and so far, (so help me, I better not jinx myself here by saying this), but so far, I am not having any side affects at all from it. The blood pressure problem has not gone away, it is still too high, but my doctor increased my dosage of blood pressure meds so that, too, should be getting better soon.

Overall, health wise, I feel pretty darn good. And I am darn glad to be able to be sitting here to say that! I find that there are many things now that I just blow off that would have sent me into a tail spin prior to being diagnosis with cancer. My outlook is so much different now. Depression does take hold of me here and there…. especially with the toothless situation, but I am trying hard to keep it at bay. I am not even sure why depression keeps sneaking in. I would think it would be the opposite, that I should be happy, happy, happy, now that so much is behind me. Don’t get me wrong, I am happy that so much is behind me. But unfortunately, with the cancer beast, it seems to brings uncertainties that are not present for those that have never had the diagnosis or been through the treatments etc.. And I am sad that a large portion of 2005 has become a lost time to me and in many ways to my family. Time which is lost forever. Ten years from now, this lost time probably won’t have such an impact. Right now it is way too fresh.

I have many more things to tell you, but they will have to wait a bit. I promise it won’t be so long for the next post. I especially want to tell you about an organization called Chemo Angels. So I will be back soon.