Watching the live stream coverage of Louisiana, Mississippi, and Alabama online since Saturday has been heart wrenching. The worse part is that each day, instead of improving, things are getting worse and worse for the people in these states. My tears have streamed down as I have watched the horror unfolding for these people. The lives that have been lost, the lives that have been transformed and everything these people had and knew that was lost in a matter of minutes/hours is mind boggling. There were those that got through the hurricane itself with their lives and belongings. Briefly, they may have thought they were going to be O.K. Now even these people have lost everything. And more lives have been lost. I fear for the survivors. They need our help.
These people are our own. We have rushed in to help those in other countries upon disasters striking. Now, disaster has struck here. It is imperative we help our own.
I have listed various phone numbers below of organizations you can contact to make donations. In almost all cases, these organizations can be located online and accept donations online as well.
From the CNN.com website:
The Federal Emergency Management Agency lists these organizations for those seeking to assist victims of Hurricane Katrina:
Donate cash
American Red Cross (800) HELP NOW (435-7669) English; (800) 257-7575 Spanish
Operation Blessing (800) 436-6348
America's Second Harvest (800) 344-8070
To donate cash or volunteer
Adventist Community Services (800) 381-7171
Catholic Charities, USA (703) 549-1390
Christian Disaster Response (941) 956-5183 or (941) 551-9554
Christian Reformed World Relief Committee (800) 848-5818
Church World Service (800) 297-1516
Convoy of Hope (417) 823-8998
Lutheran Disaster Response (800) 638-3522
Mennonite Disaster Service (717) 859-2210
Nazarene Disaster Response (888) 256-5886
Presbyterian Disaster Assistance (800) 872-3283
Salvation Army (800) SAL-ARMY (725-2769)
Southern Baptist Convention -- Disaster Relief (800) 462-8657, ext. 6133
United Methodist Committee on Relief (800) 554-8583
Please find it in your heart to donate. ANY AMOUNT is appreciated. All amounts will be used. Don’t think that just because it is a small amount that you should just forget it, that it won’t matter. It WILL matter. Every single dollar will help get these people food, clothing, shelter, medicine, and medical attention. Many will need help for a very, very long time.
Prayers are also needed. Regardless of your personal beliefs, all positive energies directed to those in need can very well make a difference.
---for those wondering, yes, I have made a donation to the Red Cross 2005 Hurricane Relief Fund. (The bill collectors have waited this long, they can wait longer.... Sometimes, there are far more important things that need to be addressed and this is one of those times.) I personally chose the Red Cross because I wanted to make sure the money was put into immediate needs. But there are other organizations that will take over after the Red Cross leaves and this is going to be very much needed also. So please consider these as well.
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Monday, August 29, 2005
Hurricane Katrina
As I sit here watching the live stream news and videos coming out of New Orleans, I find myself dealing with a number of emotions.
First and foremost is sadness. Sadness for those who have lost their lives. Lost their lives because some felt they had no alternatives. Some who lost their lives because they were too caught up in material items to leave them behind. Some who lost their lives because they were in that place and moment in time where a life was taken. And then there is my sadness for the people who have just lost everything they own, their homes, their jobs, their businesses. Their lives have been changed forever.
Secondly, I feel despair. Despair because so many people were still in the city that would have liked to have been able to leave but couldn’t. Many of them couldn’t because they didn’t have a vehicle to do so. Looking at the videos there is a common item throughout frame after frame. Vehicles. Vehicles parked. Vehicles under water. Vehicles floating. Vehicles that were left behind by those that either had more than one vehicle or vehicles owned by those who chose to not leave. Why didn’t the owners of the vehicles that were just sitting there or were being left behind throw the car keys to someone that didn’t have a car that DID want to leave? What would have the harm been to do this? Did they really believe that they were going to come back and find their vehicles still parked safely as they left them? If they did, then they sure weren’t actually realizing why they were even leaving. But earlier, on Saturday and again on Sunday, they showed videos of people leaving and they did indeed know why they were leaving. They knew New Orleans was facing massive destruction. And they knew that destruction was most likely going to be all encompassing. It sure wasn’t going to just destroy everything else and leave all the vehicles left behind alone.
There have been various times in my life that I had done various things for people because it was what was needed at the time. Had I been in New Orleans this weekend and had an extra car, I would have given the keys to another so they too, could get out. I would have simply given them my name, address (as I knew it at the moment), phone number or some other reference information and said, “Go. Go with my blessings.” And I would not have worried about it any further. If the car came back someday, great. If it didn’t, so what? From the experiences in my past, I have learned most people would go out of their way to make sure the vehicle got back to the person that lent it to them under these types of conditions. And to save another’s life would have been fantastic. A life is priceless. A car can be replaced eventually.
I also find myself appalled. There have been several videos shown of people staying and drinking in the French Quarter while evacuation orders were in place. Drinking and partying. Standing in the streets singing as the rains starting coming in. Why does alcohol have such a strong force to alter logic? What the heck were these people thinking? And where are these people today? I hope they were able to find logic eventually. I hope they are safe. I hope they now realize that not everything is cause for a party. I truly hope they had the hell scared out of them.
Lastly, I have become thoroughly disgusted upon hearing there are people already looting. Looting! For what good reason? I guess there are things that I will never understand. Just what do these people think they are really getting away with? They are not stealing food items and coats or shoes to survive. No. They have been seen taking electronics, jewelry and other items that certainly can not be considered survival necessities. If they were stealing for survival, I think it could be understood, perhaps even forgiven. But to take just because they think they can? And where the heck are they planning on 1) storing these items? and 2) plugging these items in or using them? What the heck is the purpose here?
For a number of those who have survived throughout Louisiana, Mississippi and Alabama, survival will be bleak. While many will rebuild, recoup, others will never be able to recover. The areas hit hard by hurricane Katrina are also among the poorest areas of this country. For a large number of those fortunate enough to hold full time jobs prior to Katrina, there are no jobs to go back to. Many will not have insurance to cover their losses. The few articles of clothing and items with them are now all they have.
It is a very sad day indeed. My heart and prayers go out to everyone affected by Katrina.
First and foremost is sadness. Sadness for those who have lost their lives. Lost their lives because some felt they had no alternatives. Some who lost their lives because they were too caught up in material items to leave them behind. Some who lost their lives because they were in that place and moment in time where a life was taken. And then there is my sadness for the people who have just lost everything they own, their homes, their jobs, their businesses. Their lives have been changed forever.
Secondly, I feel despair. Despair because so many people were still in the city that would have liked to have been able to leave but couldn’t. Many of them couldn’t because they didn’t have a vehicle to do so. Looking at the videos there is a common item throughout frame after frame. Vehicles. Vehicles parked. Vehicles under water. Vehicles floating. Vehicles that were left behind by those that either had more than one vehicle or vehicles owned by those who chose to not leave. Why didn’t the owners of the vehicles that were just sitting there or were being left behind throw the car keys to someone that didn’t have a car that DID want to leave? What would have the harm been to do this? Did they really believe that they were going to come back and find their vehicles still parked safely as they left them? If they did, then they sure weren’t actually realizing why they were even leaving. But earlier, on Saturday and again on Sunday, they showed videos of people leaving and they did indeed know why they were leaving. They knew New Orleans was facing massive destruction. And they knew that destruction was most likely going to be all encompassing. It sure wasn’t going to just destroy everything else and leave all the vehicles left behind alone.
There have been various times in my life that I had done various things for people because it was what was needed at the time. Had I been in New Orleans this weekend and had an extra car, I would have given the keys to another so they too, could get out. I would have simply given them my name, address (as I knew it at the moment), phone number or some other reference information and said, “Go. Go with my blessings.” And I would not have worried about it any further. If the car came back someday, great. If it didn’t, so what? From the experiences in my past, I have learned most people would go out of their way to make sure the vehicle got back to the person that lent it to them under these types of conditions. And to save another’s life would have been fantastic. A life is priceless. A car can be replaced eventually.
I also find myself appalled. There have been several videos shown of people staying and drinking in the French Quarter while evacuation orders were in place. Drinking and partying. Standing in the streets singing as the rains starting coming in. Why does alcohol have such a strong force to alter logic? What the heck were these people thinking? And where are these people today? I hope they were able to find logic eventually. I hope they are safe. I hope they now realize that not everything is cause for a party. I truly hope they had the hell scared out of them.
Lastly, I have become thoroughly disgusted upon hearing there are people already looting. Looting! For what good reason? I guess there are things that I will never understand. Just what do these people think they are really getting away with? They are not stealing food items and coats or shoes to survive. No. They have been seen taking electronics, jewelry and other items that certainly can not be considered survival necessities. If they were stealing for survival, I think it could be understood, perhaps even forgiven. But to take just because they think they can? And where the heck are they planning on 1) storing these items? and 2) plugging these items in or using them? What the heck is the purpose here?
For a number of those who have survived throughout Louisiana, Mississippi and Alabama, survival will be bleak. While many will rebuild, recoup, others will never be able to recover. The areas hit hard by hurricane Katrina are also among the poorest areas of this country. For a large number of those fortunate enough to hold full time jobs prior to Katrina, there are no jobs to go back to. Many will not have insurance to cover their losses. The few articles of clothing and items with them are now all they have.
It is a very sad day indeed. My heart and prayers go out to everyone affected by Katrina.
Friday, August 26, 2005
Neutrophils and other blood things running amok
Look at all these big words I am learning. And they say they can’t teach an old dog new tricks. HA!
Once again, today’s lesson is brought to you because of cancer cells that decided to go on their own little mission in my body. Thanks to these cancer cells, which brought on chemo, which bring on blood draws and other fun stuff, today I again learned the meaning of Neutrophils and how a low count like 8 is not a good thing.(link to info on Neutrophils)
Perhaps I should confess. I actually learned the word Neutrophils after my first chemo. It was the zero Neutrophils count (yes, I printed that correctly, my count was ZERO at time of admission) along with other wonderful low numbers that they said should be high numbers and one or two high numbers that they said should be low numbers, that landed me in the hospital.
So I count myself lucky this time. I am here writing this instead of being awoken at odd hours of the morning to see if I am sleeping OK in some strange uncomfortable bed that if you push the wrong button you will fold up in the shape of a skinny letter “V”.
Due to the results of my blood draw today, I got an immediate phone call from the cancer center. I get to be on house arrest until further notice without the benefit of a stylish ankle bracelet like Martha Stewart gets to wear. (I wonder if they make them in pink?) And if things don’t improve dramatically, I get to miss my next scheduled chemo this coming Friday, too.
The call did make me feel very good about my new choice of cancer centers. The nurse was very helpful, very informative, very nice and most of all….very concerned. After speaking with her I realized why I have been feeling so crappy the last couple of days. I did everything possible this time to make this second chemo a good experience (somehow the words “chemo” and “good experience” seem to contradict each other). I wanted so much to just get this going, continue going and get to the other side. But I guess my body has something else in mind. (What I didn’t tell her, but I am now suspecting is that yesterday, my counts were probably even lower and today they are actually on the UPSWING!) But you can be darn sure, I am going to be very careful and watch things closely over the next few days/week!
Once again, today’s lesson is brought to you because of cancer cells that decided to go on their own little mission in my body. Thanks to these cancer cells, which brought on chemo, which bring on blood draws and other fun stuff, today I again learned the meaning of Neutrophils and how a low count like 8 is not a good thing.
Perhaps I should confess. I actually learned the word Neutrophils after my first chemo. It was the zero Neutrophils count (yes, I printed that correctly, my count was ZERO at time of admission) along with other wonderful low numbers that they said should be high numbers and one or two high numbers that they said should be low numbers, that landed me in the hospital.
So I count myself lucky this time. I am here writing this instead of being awoken at odd hours of the morning to see if I am sleeping OK in some strange uncomfortable bed that if you push the wrong button you will fold up in the shape of a skinny letter “V”.
Due to the results of my blood draw today, I got an immediate phone call from the cancer center. I get to be on house arrest until further notice without the benefit of a stylish ankle bracelet like Martha Stewart gets to wear. (I wonder if they make them in pink?) And if things don’t improve dramatically, I get to miss my next scheduled chemo this coming Friday, too.
The call did make me feel very good about my new choice of cancer centers. The nurse was very helpful, very informative, very nice and most of all….very concerned. After speaking with her I realized why I have been feeling so crappy the last couple of days. I did everything possible this time to make this second chemo a good experience (somehow the words “chemo” and “good experience” seem to contradict each other). I wanted so much to just get this going, continue going and get to the other side. But I guess my body has something else in mind. (What I didn’t tell her, but I am now suspecting is that yesterday, my counts were probably even lower and today they are actually on the UPSWING!) But you can be darn sure, I am going to be very careful and watch things closely over the next few days/week!
Dreaming
Time to change the subject….for a bit at least. Actually I have to admit I was getting rather bored with writing about cancer and/or treatments all the time anyway.
I am sitting here are 2:39 a.m., technically it is Friday morning, writing this. I awoke from the strangest dream. This makes two nights in a row (that I remember) with weird dreams. Dreams that border on nightmares but do not quite cross the line.
Tonight I was dreaming in German. How the heck can I dream in German? I don’t know a single word of German. Yet, here I was, in Germany, walking down a street, in Germany, and I went into a library. German, of course. It was a very long, building and had various levels within. The ceilings were very tall and the sculpture on the walls very ornate. There were rows and rows of books, some of which were centuries old. People were talking to me in German and I did not understand all of it, but I seemed to understand enough to make sense.
The dream is already fading, but when I first woke up, I vaguely remembered dreaming in German last night, too.
Yes, I do have fairly strong German ancestry. My dad’s side. In fact my maiden name is of German decent. But what the heck can dreaming in German mean? I have never been to Germany. No one in my family speaks German. The only one that might have been able to speak any amount of German would have been my Grandmother and she passed many years ago. I do not remember her speaking German, I just believe she knew some and I may even be wrong about her knowing any German at all.
I am sitting here are 2:39 a.m., technically it is Friday morning, writing this. I awoke from the strangest dream. This makes two nights in a row (that I remember) with weird dreams. Dreams that border on nightmares but do not quite cross the line.
Tonight I was dreaming in German. How the heck can I dream in German? I don’t know a single word of German. Yet, here I was, in Germany, walking down a street, in Germany, and I went into a library. German, of course. It was a very long, building and had various levels within. The ceilings were very tall and the sculpture on the walls very ornate. There were rows and rows of books, some of which were centuries old. People were talking to me in German and I did not understand all of it, but I seemed to understand enough to make sense.
The dream is already fading, but when I first woke up, I vaguely remembered dreaming in German last night, too.
Yes, I do have fairly strong German ancestry. My dad’s side. In fact my maiden name is of German decent. But what the heck can dreaming in German mean? I have never been to Germany. No one in my family speaks German. The only one that might have been able to speak any amount of German would have been my Grandmother and she passed many years ago. I do not remember her speaking German, I just believe she knew some and I may even be wrong about her knowing any German at all.
Thursday, August 25, 2005
???????
Yesterday was not good. As the day progressed it got worse. Is this typical? Five days after chemo?
This morning I am somewhat better but still not feeling too good. I am hoping it gets better as this day goes on.
Also, can someone please tell me how to get rid of this awful taste in my mouth? It is there all the time now. I can’t tell if foods are good or bad or maybe even spoiled. Nothing tastes right. Everything has this awful taste. And the taste is making me sick to my stomach.
This morning I am somewhat better but still not feeling too good. I am hoping it gets better as this day goes on.
Also, can someone please tell me how to get rid of this awful taste in my mouth? It is there all the time now. I can’t tell if foods are good or bad or maybe even spoiled. Nothing tastes right. Everything has this awful taste. And the taste is making me sick to my stomach.
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
What a difference!!!!!
To this point, chemo #2 has been an entirely different experience than chemo #1. Everyone who saw me or spoke to me after I was given chemo #1 and has now seen or spoke to me after chemo #2 has been amazed. It has become very obvious to all that I received very poor health care at the first facility for chemo #1. It is also becoming apparent the oncologist and the others at the first facility did not know what they were doing or didn’t pay attention to what they were doing or a combination of both.
This time, I am actually able to function. Oh, I have some of the typical things that come along with chemo such as the vomiting and the nausea….regardless of the pills I have to counteract it. The steroids supercharged me for a short time and then dropped out. (But I sure got a lot of stuff done during the supercharged state!) Odors are surrounding me where I never noticed them before and some foods just seem way too gross to even think about eating. Even some of my favorite foods just don’t seem very appealing. Then there is the normal fatigue, body weakness and achy bones. Sometimes, I simply don’t feel too good.
The new cancer center showed me how to give myself the Neulasta shot and I did it just fine the next day after chemo. The pain in my bones from the Neulasta is being kept down due to the pain pills but at the same time, I have only had to take a couple of the pain pills. My teeth are not bothering me at all. I find that one very interesting! And it isn’t because I had a lot of work done on them between this chemo and the first one…..I didn’t. All the dentist had time to do was clean them. I will be going back in after all the chemo and have the rest of the work done on my teeth that is needed. It can’t be put off forever, but at least, as far as I am concerned, the reactions I am showing to chemo #2 has proven it was not my teeth that caused all the problems and certainly did not cause my near death experience with chemo #1!
I realize it is still early. I just had session number two on Friday and this is only Tuesday, but at this same time frame last time, I was so weak I couldn’t get out of bed for any length of time, I was having trouble walking, the pain I was enduring was excruciating, I couldn’t focus my eyes and it was a major effort to talk.
You can be sure I am keeping a close eye on everything right now. Friday I will have my blood draw done to see what my counts are. Those numbers should also tell a story all in themselves!
This time, I am actually able to function. Oh, I have some of the typical things that come along with chemo such as the vomiting and the nausea….regardless of the pills I have to counteract it. The steroids supercharged me for a short time and then dropped out. (But I sure got a lot of stuff done during the supercharged state!) Odors are surrounding me where I never noticed them before and some foods just seem way too gross to even think about eating. Even some of my favorite foods just don’t seem very appealing. Then there is the normal fatigue, body weakness and achy bones. Sometimes, I simply don’t feel too good.
The new cancer center showed me how to give myself the Neulasta shot and I did it just fine the next day after chemo. The pain in my bones from the Neulasta is being kept down due to the pain pills but at the same time, I have only had to take a couple of the pain pills. My teeth are not bothering me at all. I find that one very interesting! And it isn’t because I had a lot of work done on them between this chemo and the first one…..I didn’t. All the dentist had time to do was clean them. I will be going back in after all the chemo and have the rest of the work done on my teeth that is needed. It can’t be put off forever, but at least, as far as I am concerned, the reactions I am showing to chemo #2 has proven it was not my teeth that caused all the problems and certainly did not cause my near death experience with chemo #1!
I realize it is still early. I just had session number two on Friday and this is only Tuesday, but at this same time frame last time, I was so weak I couldn’t get out of bed for any length of time, I was having trouble walking, the pain I was enduring was excruciating, I couldn’t focus my eyes and it was a major effort to talk.
You can be sure I am keeping a close eye on everything right now. Friday I will have my blood draw done to see what my counts are. Those numbers should also tell a story all in themselves!
Sunday, August 21, 2005
Very Strange!
Currently 10:37 a.m. Sunday
Couldn't sleep last night. Energy level is super high. Feel like I could leap tall buildings in a single bound. Having trouble sitting still. My hands are actually shaking from the energy rush. When I crash down from this I have a feeling it is gonna be a big crash and burn!
Couldn't sleep last night. Energy level is super high. Feel like I could leap tall buildings in a single bound. Having trouble sitting still. My hands are actually shaking from the energy rush. When I crash down from this I have a feeling it is gonna be a big crash and burn!
Saturday, August 20, 2005
Today’s Update – (After Chemo #2 yesterday)
So far, so good! Look, I’m even able to look at the monitor and tap the keys to make words!
What a difference from chemo round number one!
My observations/body feeling/mental feelings summary for yesterday and up to now:
Feeling overall pretty damn good!
Eyes are only slightly sensitive to light.
Ears have become more sensitive to sounds. (some are bothering the heck out me!)
No headache! No migraine this time!
No nausea thus far – probably because of the great nausea pills I am taking
Started getting acid reflux and heartburn – but took the pills they gave me and it is being kept at bay
Body is achy, but nothing I can’t deal with.
Face is a flushed red color, but I am not running a fever.
Body temperature is having some difficulty staying regulated.
Eating is not a problem.
But I am losing my appetite… simply am not hungry.
Drinking fluids is not a problem and I am making sure to down all the fluids as they recommended. (Could be why I am not hungry!)
Sense of smell is increasing slightly.
Worse reactions thus far: Sinus pressure set in (started yesterday) and is building, today fatigue and mild weakness is setting in.
I did need to take a nap today.
Gave myself the shot of Neulasta at 4:30 this afternoon – no problem! Easy to do!
At around 9:30, started to feel bone pain from the Neulasta, especially in my face, jaw, head, neck, shoulders. My face feels hot, especially in the upper jaw area, but still not running a fever. Took one of the heavy duty pain pills that they gave me and all I have is a very slight residue left. I am allowed to take two of them at a time at a time, but I chose not to because I wasn’t waiting to see if the pain was going to keep increasing, Due to experience from first chemo, I already know that it will…..so I figured catching it this early, one pill should do it. I will take second one only if I have to. I do not like pain pills and how they make me feel, but I like pain even less, so I only take what I absolutely need to.
I feel like a mini pharmacy. To keep which pills I am taking at what time and when I take them straight, I made a form with all the meds listed, color and size of each for recognition purposes, dosages and directions, what the pills are for and a mini day by day weekly calendar to enter the times I take them. This way, not only I know what they are and when I last took one, but my family will know too.
So that is my update for today. I am looking forward to still feeling well enough to do another update tomorrow. Until then, I say goodnight!
What a difference from chemo round number one!
My observations/body feeling/mental feelings summary for yesterday and up to now:
Feeling overall pretty damn good!
Eyes are only slightly sensitive to light.
Ears have become more sensitive to sounds. (some are bothering the heck out me!)
No headache! No migraine this time!
No nausea thus far – probably because of the great nausea pills I am taking
Started getting acid reflux and heartburn – but took the pills they gave me and it is being kept at bay
Body is achy, but nothing I can’t deal with.
Face is a flushed red color, but I am not running a fever.
Body temperature is having some difficulty staying regulated.
Eating is not a problem.
But I am losing my appetite… simply am not hungry.
Drinking fluids is not a problem and I am making sure to down all the fluids as they recommended. (Could be why I am not hungry!)
Sense of smell is increasing slightly.
Worse reactions thus far: Sinus pressure set in (started yesterday) and is building, today fatigue and mild weakness is setting in.
I did need to take a nap today.
Gave myself the shot of Neulasta at 4:30 this afternoon – no problem! Easy to do!
At around 9:30, started to feel bone pain from the Neulasta, especially in my face, jaw, head, neck, shoulders. My face feels hot, especially in the upper jaw area, but still not running a fever. Took one of the heavy duty pain pills that they gave me and all I have is a very slight residue left. I am allowed to take two of them at a time at a time, but I chose not to because I wasn’t waiting to see if the pain was going to keep increasing, Due to experience from first chemo, I already know that it will…..so I figured catching it this early, one pill should do it. I will take second one only if I have to. I do not like pain pills and how they make me feel, but I like pain even less, so I only take what I absolutely need to.
I feel like a mini pharmacy. To keep which pills I am taking at what time and when I take them straight, I made a form with all the meds listed, color and size of each for recognition purposes, dosages and directions, what the pills are for and a mini day by day weekly calendar to enter the times I take them. This way, not only I know what they are and when I last took one, but my family will know too.
So that is my update for today. I am looking forward to still feeling well enough to do another update tomorrow. Until then, I say goodnight!
Friday, August 19, 2005
Chemo #2, Second Post, Same Day!
Wow. Second post in one day!
It was a long day. Hubby and I arrived at 10:50 this morning. I was finally done at 5:00 this afternoon!
I was armed with my list and made my stand known. Yes, I was nice about it, but I WAS firm! This time I wanted answers for everything. I wanted details on everything they were doing and the exact names and specs on everything they were putting in me. I felt bad for the nurse, but my being this way is due to the lessons I learned the hard way the first time around! I did take the time to explain to her why I am being my own advocate. No, I didn’t tell her all the gory details, but enough so she could see there had been several problems before and the outcome of those problems. Once she heard them, she understood.
Here is the BIG difference from the first place I received chemo number one from. This nurse already had a lot of the information ready for me, and assured me I would be receiving it. And regarding the issues that needed to be ironed out such as coordinating between oncology and my dentist, no problem. She called him up right away and took care of it. My oncologist had forgotten to leave a prescription for pain pills for me today (she was gone today), but again, the nurse checked it out and took care of it. I did happen to mention that if the pain pills and dentist issues could not be taken care of before my chemo today, I would not be doing chemo and it would need to be rescheduled. She knew I was serious. It took about 45 minutes to get it all straighten out, but she did it and did it fantastically! And she still kept smiling!
The chemo itself was given to me at a much slower rate than the first time. Thus the reason this session was so long. The way I look at it, I have all the time in the world to live! I have no problem with their taking all the time they feel is necessary to work towards a successful session and to alleviate reactions from the chemo and/or the other meds.
And here is something else I find fantastic. My dentist is the one who called me this morning, at 9:00 a.m., as he knew I was scheduled for chemo today and he was worried that he had not been able to reach my oncologist yet. This dentist is wonderful. Talk about a doctor taking a REAL interest in their patient’s health and well being!
Yes, I think, I hope and I feel that finally I have a good team.
They gave me all kinds of things to work on keeping the nausea at bay, reducing the heartburn and acid reflux, keeping the pain to a minimum (I am hoping I don’t even get pain this time) and the shot of Neulasta, which I will be giving to myself tomorrow. The nurse sat with me and showed me how to do self injections. Before she showed me, she asked if I felt I would be able to give myself a shot. I told her that I am pretty much capable of anything I put my mind too. We both got a laugh out of that when she replied “I do believe you are. I have seen that myself today!” Yes, she did get a good dose of my strong-minded/willed side! And at least we were both able to laugh about it and part on a happy note.
Tonight I am feeling good! I am looking forward to still feeling good when I wake up in the morning.
And to my well-wishers who left me the touching comments on my first post today…… THANK YOU! I read them soon after arriving back home today and they made me feel even that much better!
(Geez, I sure hope there are not any English/grammar teachers reading this blog….I have been getting worse and worse with my sentence structure and proper noun, verb, adjective etc. usage! I can picture the marked up version, in red of course, that would be sent back to me! An “F” in grammar is short for “fabulous”, right?
It was a long day. Hubby and I arrived at 10:50 this morning. I was finally done at 5:00 this afternoon!
I was armed with my list and made my stand known. Yes, I was nice about it, but I WAS firm! This time I wanted answers for everything. I wanted details on everything they were doing and the exact names and specs on everything they were putting in me. I felt bad for the nurse, but my being this way is due to the lessons I learned the hard way the first time around! I did take the time to explain to her why I am being my own advocate. No, I didn’t tell her all the gory details, but enough so she could see there had been several problems before and the outcome of those problems. Once she heard them, she understood.
Here is the BIG difference from the first place I received chemo number one from. This nurse already had a lot of the information ready for me, and assured me I would be receiving it. And regarding the issues that needed to be ironed out such as coordinating between oncology and my dentist, no problem. She called him up right away and took care of it. My oncologist had forgotten to leave a prescription for pain pills for me today (she was gone today), but again, the nurse checked it out and took care of it. I did happen to mention that if the pain pills and dentist issues could not be taken care of before my chemo today, I would not be doing chemo and it would need to be rescheduled. She knew I was serious. It took about 45 minutes to get it all straighten out, but she did it and did it fantastically! And she still kept smiling!
The chemo itself was given to me at a much slower rate than the first time. Thus the reason this session was so long. The way I look at it, I have all the time in the world to live! I have no problem with their taking all the time they feel is necessary to work towards a successful session and to alleviate reactions from the chemo and/or the other meds.
And here is something else I find fantastic. My dentist is the one who called me this morning, at 9:00 a.m., as he knew I was scheduled for chemo today and he was worried that he had not been able to reach my oncologist yet. This dentist is wonderful. Talk about a doctor taking a REAL interest in their patient’s health and well being!
Yes, I think, I hope and I feel that finally I have a good team.
They gave me all kinds of things to work on keeping the nausea at bay, reducing the heartburn and acid reflux, keeping the pain to a minimum (I am hoping I don’t even get pain this time) and the shot of Neulasta, which I will be giving to myself tomorrow. The nurse sat with me and showed me how to do self injections. Before she showed me, she asked if I felt I would be able to give myself a shot. I told her that I am pretty much capable of anything I put my mind too. We both got a laugh out of that when she replied “I do believe you are. I have seen that myself today!” Yes, she did get a good dose of my strong-minded/willed side! And at least we were both able to laugh about it and part on a happy note.
Tonight I am feeling good! I am looking forward to still feeling good when I wake up in the morning.
And to my well-wishers who left me the touching comments on my first post today…… THANK YOU! I read them soon after arriving back home today and they made me feel even that much better!
(Geez, I sure hope there are not any English/grammar teachers reading this blog….I have been getting worse and worse with my sentence structure and proper noun, verb, adjective etc. usage! I can picture the marked up version, in red of course, that would be sent back to me! An “F” in grammar is short for “fabulous”, right?
Today is the day....again......
Finally today has come. Chemo number two. Seems like so long ago that I had chemo number one. It HAS been!
This one brings mixed emotions. I am looking forward to it. Looking forward to getting on with this whole thing and getting beyond it. Getting all of this behind me and getting back to living a life without treatments, doctors, blood draws, etc on a weekly/daily basis!
At the same time, I am scared of what it is going to bring after what happened with and after chemo number one.
Basically I am starting all over and am learning all new, just how chemo is REALLY going to effect me.
I do feel I am in much better hands now and professionals that know what they are doing are going to be administering it this time.
If I don't post again for days, you will know my reaction to the chemo was not good. Last time things were so bad I could not deal with lights or the monitor glare and even turning down the contrast and brightness did not help. I simply could not use the computer for several weeks..... and that one was hard to take. Computers are a huge part of my life.
But here is to chemo going much much much better this time! (Wow, English teachers all over America would cringe at that sentence!)
Looking forward to posting again soon.....
This one brings mixed emotions. I am looking forward to it. Looking forward to getting on with this whole thing and getting beyond it. Getting all of this behind me and getting back to living a life without treatments, doctors, blood draws, etc on a weekly/daily basis!
At the same time, I am scared of what it is going to bring after what happened with and after chemo number one.
Basically I am starting all over and am learning all new, just how chemo is REALLY going to effect me.
I do feel I am in much better hands now and professionals that know what they are doing are going to be administering it this time.
If I don't post again for days, you will know my reaction to the chemo was not good. Last time things were so bad I could not deal with lights or the monitor glare and even turning down the contrast and brightness did not help. I simply could not use the computer for several weeks..... and that one was hard to take. Computers are a huge part of my life.
But here is to chemo going much much much better this time! (Wow, English teachers all over America would cringe at that sentence!)
Looking forward to posting again soon.....
Sunday, August 14, 2005
New Beginnings
As of Friday 08-12-05 –
New
New Oncologist – She went over all of the previous medical reports, doctors’ statements, lab tests and paperwork fairly carefully…or so it seemed anyway. After reading all of it she came to a much different conclusion than the previous oncologist. She does not believe it was my teeth that landed me in the near death experience and in the hospital. Yes, they became a part of the whole scenario, but not the reason. She was very careful with her wording, which shows she has respect for the medical profession, (aka: covering your butt) but she did tell me some things that have alarmed me further regarding my past treatments and health care that I have already received for my breast cancer. I am not at liberty to go into them in depth here, so just take it that it was not information I wanted to hear, but it was information I NEEDED to know.
Regarding my teeth issue – The new oncologist is going to get in touch with my new dentist to work things out. I will learn more Monday or Tuesday, but at this point, it looks like the pulling of my teeth is on hold. I certainly like the idea of being able to eat real foods while going through chemo! As far as the problems with my teeth and the pain…well that issue is going to be dealt with as best as possible. And heck, if chemo has a way of doing bad things to teeth, which I now know can happen, at least I’m not risking anything! They are already bad!
New Schedule – I am being put back on a chemo schedule. My next treatment will be this coming Friday,
Information Given – After the oncologist was done talking with me she sent in her nurse that specializes in informing the patients with information regarding the in and outs of the chemo drugs, eating, fatigue, body changes and lots, lots more. Because of the past care I have received (or should we say perhaps the lack of in areas), they felt it best to start at the beginning as if I had never had a chemo treatment before. Ed was with me on this appointment and we are both very glad they did it this way. We learned things that we had never been informed of before, but should have been.
Renewed (yet cautious) Spirits, Hope and Trust – As I stated in the beginning, I am now cautious. I was far too trusting and for the most part unquestioning when it came to my previous health care/cancer care providers. This has been proven to be a mistake. Besides the risk of not stopping the cancer because of their approach, they put my life at risk in other ways.
Cancer is such an unknown subject to the general person and that included me until I became faced with it first hand. I have learned so very much in such a short time. I am hopeful that I will see a point in time soon that I will regain my trust and feel 100% comfortable with my new cancer center and doctors. So far things look good, but it is time that will tell the answer. Because of the status and the excellent reputation this center has, I have no doubt I have made a very positive move and am back on the main road to reach my goal of becoming a long term survivor. I definitely feel the ball is back in my court. Such a short time ago that ball was ricocheting all over the place!
The only downside that I see to any of this: This cancer center is a distance from here. Each appointment, blood draw, lab test, and chemo session will take a three hour round trip to do. Two thirds of the way is state highway, so that helps. But it is going to be hard, harder on those days I don’t feel well, hard when the weather is bad or it is snowing or freezing and with the cost of gas, it is going to be expensive. The expensive part is going to take some real brain storming on my part to figure out and do. But it certainly looks like it is worth it.
There is always give and take to everything. This time, it appears the give portion will be time and money. If I were to stay with the other health care providers, even though they are an hour closer, the give portion might be much pricier in the end. My life. Much too risky and way too high of a price for me!
Monday, August 08, 2005
My Cape
Gypsybobocowgirl recently left a comment on my blog regarding the cape I have around me. She is so right. Over the last few months, even though I have had things thrown in front of me that have made for some rough roads and detours in my route, I am a good traveler. I always find a path back to the main road. I am also a fighter. These traits have been a part of me since I was young. But there is much more. More than at any time in my life, as I travel this new journey of fighting cancer, I am very blessed to have an excellent support group; “my cape”. I can not imagine going through this current journey without them. Each person is special for individual reasons. Each person has done their own, very exceptional things over the last few months. I always try to show them how much this means to me, but I want to also put it here in my blog. They deserve recognition. They are the people that help make this journey all worth while.
Often, I think and worry that my diagnosis has been harder on him than me. I have watched his face and can feel his pain and hear his unspoken words. His love for me is unconditional and he shows it every day in many ways. We were still newly weds, still are for that matter, when the cancer diagnosis was made this May….just five months and three days after our wedding day. While it is difficult and would be hard on any relationship, our relationship is still strong and growing.
Along with my husband, my cape is made up of others that are constantly showing just how much they care.
My Family: Mom, Dad, my sister, and my brother – I love them. They are great!
My Daughter, who brought me two dozen roses the day I was diagnosed. Who drove me to my first chemo and who has been here from the beginning of this new journey. Our relationship has evolved over the years and we are not only mother and daughter, we are best friends.
My Son: The quiet one. Yet he has made sure I know how much he cares.
Kim: Who always finds a way to put a smile on my face! Friends, yes, but as time marches on she has become more than that. She is like a sister to me. The world would be a terrible place without her.
Dana: Among other things that she does and has done, she also checks often to see not only how I am doing, but how I am REALLY doing.
Sue: I mentioned Sue in another post, but she needs to be mentioned here also. She has always been a fantastic friend. Life has often grabbed us up throwing us separate ways. Yet, even though we don’t talk or visit as often as we should, our friendship is still strong. We have had a lot of great times over the years.
Kay and Jerry: Our newest neighbors. Great people with great hearts.
Jerry and Cathy: More great people with great hearts. They too, call often to see how things are going.
Various people in the village (yes, it really is classified as a village) we live in: Always a smile, always kind words and thoughts. Many have put me in their prayers. Some have sent flowers, cards, food or done other things that have let us know they care.
Then there are those I have “met” online since my cancer journey began. These people have each made an impact on my life regardless of the fact that I have never met them in person. They too, have become a part of my cape.
Jeannette Her blog, Two Hands, was one of the first cancer blogs I came to. She is a breast cancer survivor and has done an excellent job of sharing her journey. She is also one that leaves very uplifting comments on my blog and from time to time I have emailed her with questions. She has always taken the time to reply along with being very supportive with her words.
TK Smith is another blogger that loves life and loves to enjoy life. She shows both her humor and her serious side in her blog and has sent very supportive comments and blogging my way.
Even the person who sent me the angels to wrap their wings around me has become a part of my cape.
There are more, and even if they are not mentioned here, it does not mean I have forgotten them. I feel very blessed to have these special people in my life. With them, the road for my cancer journey is smoother. For this I say Thank You with all of my heart. I am looking forward to winning this fight and becoming a long term survivor.
My cape is beautiful.
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
Things that are.
Another bump in the road. My teeth are in much worse condition than even I thought they were. Met with the dentist today. He carefully inspected every tooth, tooth by tooth, giving the findings to the dental assistant in dental talk. I stopped him often and asked what each item meant and he had no problem giving me an explanation in plain English. He also explained, even though some of my teeth, might, under normal circumstances still “get by’’, when put under chemo conditions, the chemo will be the end of them. A full plan for my teeth will be given to me soon , but his summary of the best action is to pull all of the upper teeth and pull all but four of the bottom teeth. We are looking at hospitalization for this. Due to the healing process, I will be toothless (except for four lower teeth) for six months. Due to limitations with Wisconsin Well Woman MA, there isn’t the option of a temporary plate etc. Money to buy these items myself is non-existent.
Due to the healing process needed when all teeth are pulled, my chemo is going to be way off track. They are talking a couple of months before I can even have the teeth pulled because they are so booked appointment wise. As of this upcoming Monday, I should be receiving my THIRD chemo. Instead, I have only had one. At this point in time, it is unknown how long it will be before I can get back to the chemo.
Eating, while on chemo, is difficult at best. It is hard to find foods that can be eaten or taste good. Being toothless will limit foods even more at a time when eating is extremely important to maintaining my health. Needless to say, this has me very concerned.
When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I, of course, was scared as hell. The initial roller coaster of thoughts and emotions were quite the ride. Then came determination. Determination that I would beat this. I would survive. Also came trust. Trust in my doctors, my health care team. I was being thrown into a world that I knew nothing about. Thrown there at lightening bolt speed. I had no choice but to trust my doctors and my health care team. After all, they went to school for this. This is what they are supposed to know best.
All I wanted to do was deal with my cancer head on, go through the treatments and get to the other side. The goal: to LIVE and be able to get on with living. No one said dealing with the cancer was going to be easy, but it seemed pretty straight forward to me at the time.
Now, a mere three months later, I am back at square one. Scared as hell. I am trying hard to keep the determination going, but it is getting bumped all over the place, making it very difficult to stay focused. Things are a mess. My trust is broken.
Things happened with my health care in the clinic and in surgery that were not good. They are items that could have been and should have been avoided. Upon receiving my first chemo treatment (July 11th), I had a bad reaction. This last week, I find out this too could have been curtailed, perhaps avoided. The bad reaction caused me to be hospitalized due to further complications and because I was close to death. Again, I find this could have been avoided. I totally trusted my doctors and health care team. As it turns out, this was a mistake. They were not informing me of all necessary items that I needed to know prior to my receiving treatments, or prior anything that was done. But how was I to know? How do you know what you should ask when no one has told you the questions. It isn’t that I didn’t look up information on my own. I did. But without full information from my doctors, I wasn’t able to get all the answers, even on my own, that I really needed. You can’t verify what you don’t know in the first place. The final loss of trust comes in finding out they did something totally wrong. Provable wrong. This wrong most certainly contributed, may have been the entire reason, I ended up near death and in the hospital.
On Monday I obtained copies of my medical records from the mammogram forward from the clinic. They are full of errors and inaccuracies. They also, do not even agree with each other. A good example: It is my left breast that had the tumors and the mastectomy. Throughout my paper work, they list it as my left breast on some pages and as my right breast on others. There are discrepancies between the doctor’ surgical statements and pathology. The oncologist states in his initial report that my teeth are in bad condition, yet he never mentioned this as a concern or the possible dangers involved verbally to either me or my husband prior to chemo starting. There are also many other problems and errors in the paperwork. Finding this out is mind boggling. Now I don’t know what to think. With all the other problems, I can’t help but wonder if the surgeries were the right way to go, or if in reality I might have actually had other choices had I gone to a different clinic, different doctors.
All the cancer centers in this area are not “in this area”. The pickings are very limited. The few that there are, are mostly new centers and I question their experience level. I checked out an excellent center today in the same city where the dental clinic is. This cancer center makes the clinic where I am going now look like playschool at best. But being approximately an hour and a half away, I haven’t a clue how we could swing my going there. Just the travel alone, plus the number of appointments needed, not to mention other aspects would become a challenge. Plus, now it looks like I will be going for treatments well into the winter months. Wisconsin winters are well known to be full of surprises and not easy to travel in. All this with what vehicle?
Somewhere, somehow, in all this, I need to fit in finding a job. Thanks to my boss of nine years making such a timely decision to “cut expenses and reorganize” a few days after I tell him my diagnosis. Hairless, toothless, cancer, chemo, radiation treatments and all. Great credentials.
Having invasive lobular carcinoma with lymph nodes already involved is bad enough. Knowing that this type of cancer tends to be more aggressive is unnerving and frightening.
Knowing that I don’t trust my doctors anymore is horrifying. Having that mistrust feed into my decision making processes right now? It puts me on a whole new roller coaster ride.
Fighting every step of the way, in so many avenues of my life right now is starting to take a toll.
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